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It’s not really a family holiday gathering if some relative doesn’t offer an unsolicited comment about your life…
Many of us have come to expect annoying, rude or insensitive questions or comments year after year from extended family members who don’t seem to realize how inappropriate their remarks are …
Here’s how to handle it, according to therapists.
- “Looks like you’ve put on some weight!” - You haven’t seen Uncle Bud in two years, but the first thing out of his mouth is how you’ve gained weight. Therapist Jennifer Rollin suggests simply saying “Yup” and smiling, or saying, “I’m happy and healthy, thanks for noticing.”
- “Have you lost weight? You look so skinny!” - This kind of focus on your size can be uncomfortable, regardless of whether they’re commenting on a weight gain or loss. Counselor Allison Hart advises saying, “I know you mean this as a compliment, but I’m not interested in discussing my appearance.”
- “You’re not drinking anymore? What a bummer” - No matter why you’re not drinking, people will have something to say about it. When they do, Hart suggests telling them something like , “I have a lot of fun just being myself.
- “So when are you going to settle down?” - If you’re single, you know this question is coming during the holidays, so be prepared. If you’re not in the mood to explain your future relationship plans, it’s okay to say you don’t want to talk about your love life or tell your relative you’ll let them know if and when you decide to settle down.
- “You still haven’t found a job?” - If this is a sore spot for you, this question can really sting, but you don’t have to answer it or any others you find insensitive. But if you’re feeling a little sassy, you could respond with something like, “The only job I’m looking for tonight is the one where I whoop your butt in Monopoly!”
- “When are you going to have a baby?” - If you’re childfree by choice, this can be annoying, but if you’re having fertility issues, it can be downright hurtful. An easy response to have ready? “We’re not sure! Speaking of kids…” and then redirect the conversation to another kid in the family. Psychologist Samantha Rodman recommends this one-sentence vague answer and topic change to save you from personal questions.
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